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Post Info TOPIC: Weekend Fun 28.2.21


Master Book-keeper

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Weekend Fun 28.2.21


Sorry it's a little late this week

--

An Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type.
After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.
A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a corrective surgery procedure.
Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who this time was more than happy to donate his blood.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He then phoned the Arab and asked him:
"I thought you would be more generous than that .. last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates?"
To this the Arab replied:
"Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins."
--

My wife had that awkward chat with our daughter today about being dressed inappropriately and wearing too much make up, and yes there were tears... Anyway, my wife has stopped crying now, washed her face and agreed to get changed.

--

A very successful attorney parked his brand new Porsche 911 Turbo in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he was getting out, a truck came barreling down the road, drifted left and completely tore off the driver's door.
Fortunately, a cop was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the now door-less Porsche with his lights flashing.
Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his precious Porsche, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again, would never be the same.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief, "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said, "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."
"How can you say such a thing..?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you even realise that your left arm is missing..? It was severed when the truck hit you..!"
"OHH, MY WORD..!" screamed the lawyer. . . "My beautiful Rolex..!"

--

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The pastor fainted.
--
Just chased after a lorry, flashing him, beeping my horn, trying to wave him down. I eventually caught up with him at some traffic lights, got out of my car and ran to his cab. 'You're losing your load' I shouted at him. 'I'm gritting mate,' he replied...
--
Young lass from Salford goes into maternity to give birth when the midwife comes in and says
"How about epidural anaesthesia ?"
The girl replies
"Thanks, that's a great idea but we've already picked a name"


-- Edited by Leger on Tuesday 2nd of March 2021 10:52:20 AM

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John

Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.



Expert

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Love it John!

Love the Miss Beatrice one and the organ, and also the Lawyer with the Porsche!

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Amanda



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Thanks John

Today i accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, I now have Heinzsight!



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Doug

These are only my opinions of how I see things and therefore should not be taken as advice



Veteran Member

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I can imagine that shortly there will actually be girls in school called "epidural anaesthesia"

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Riel


Master Book-keeper

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Posts: 3711
Date:

Amanda wrote:

Love it John!

Love the Miss Beatrice one and the organ, and also the Lawyer with the Porsche!

Thanks Amanda, my favourite was the awkward chat one, made me giggle.

Actually there's a mistake in the Porsche joke, I'll see if anyone can spot it.

Artois wrote:

Thanks John

Today i accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, I now have Heinzsight!


57 varieties are the spice of life

Riel wrote:


rofl.gifI can imagine that shortly there will actually be girls in school called "epidural anaesthesia"rofl.gif

_________________________________________________________________________________________

I knew a girl at school called Martini, but I think that because she was available any time any place anywhere! On a serious note I think the worst name ever given to a child was Fifi Trixibelle. Can't imagine having to grow up with a name like that.



__________________

John

Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.

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