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Post Info TOPIC: Friday Fun is back 18-12-20


Master Book-keeper

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Posts: 3637
Date:
Friday Fun is back 18-12-20


Hi Folks, sorry it's been a while.

My mate works for the Royal Mail, and part of his job is to process all the mail that has illegible addresses. One day last week, a letter came to his desk, addressed in shaky handwriting, to Father Christmas. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. He opened it and it read:
Dear Father Christmas,
I am a 93-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100.00 in it, which was all the money I have until my next pension money. In a couple of Sunday's it is Christmas, and I have invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? I could really do with you delivering anything before Xmas Day.
Sincerely, Edna
My mate was touched so he showed the letter to all of the other workers. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96.00, which they put into an envelope and delivered in the post the next day to the woman. He told me all of the workers felt a warm glow for the kind thing they had done. Then a few days ago, another letter came from the old lady, to Father Christmas again. All of the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:
Dear Father Christmas,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you have done for me? Because of your gift of love, I am now able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. I'm sure we'll all have a very nice day and I've told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving b*stards at the Royal Mail ...
Sincerely, Edna..
--
Me and the missus were lying in bed and the next door neighbours was barking like mad. This went on for a while so I jumped out of bed and said, "I've had enough of this," and went downstairs.
10 minutes later I came back to bed and my wife said, "The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?"

I replied, "I've put their dog in our garden - see how they like it!"
--
A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.
The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you."
"Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour."
"Show me," said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - ribbed, flavoured, coloured and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
The interviewer said, "That's amazing, but I don't think we could employ someone who'd be womanising all over the country."
"Excuse me!" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, not a womaniser!"
"Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer.
The man replied, "Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?"
--
I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper;
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000
So I rang them and told them the answer was -£5000
--
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my goodness!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN
THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are
we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen
to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you
what it feels like when I'm driving."
--
Dear Dr Ruth,

I'm writing to tell you my problem, It seems I have been married to a sex
maniac for the past 22 years. He makes love to me regardless of what I am
doing; Ironing, Washing dishes, Sweeping, even doing E-Mail, etc. I
would like to know if there is anything that ucnn hlp m wth nd f unothel
gothsl ehj fpslth fjsl;s;;o{O} .lp sld mpskdli dlks; a;ld ;;'

cinsely ous
mdyl
--


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John†

†Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.



Forum Moderator & Expert

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Date:

Cheers John,

absolutely brilliant with each one better than the last

Shaun.



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Shaun

Responses are not meant as a substitute for professional advice. Answers are intended as outline only the advice of a qualified professional with access to all relevant information should be sought before acting on any response given.



Guru

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Posts: 1142
Date:

Super as always John, thanks

This is my meagre contribution, but it made me laugh

The wife asked me if i had seen the dog bowl, I said "To be honest i didn't even know he played cricket!"†



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Doug

These are only my opinions of how I see things and therefore should not be taken as advice



Master Book-keeper

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Posts: 3637
Date:

Thanks Shaun and Doug, my favourite was the last one.

Not heard that one before Doug†biggrin



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John†

†Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 50
Date:

really glad to see Friday Fun back thanks I enjoyed a good laugh!

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Riel


Forum Moderator & Expert

Status: Offline
Posts: 11865
Date:



__________________

Shaun

Responses are not meant as a substitute for professional advice. Answers are intended as outline only the advice of a qualified professional with access to all relevant information should be sought before acting on any response given.

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