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Post Info TOPIC: Friday Fun 8.5.20


Master Book-keeper

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Date:
Friday Fun 8.5.20


Well late this week, sorry about that folks

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."
I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Okay," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.
Followed by my wife, my kids, and and a few of my friends and , all singing "Happy birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Sobbing...
Naked...

--

My mate rang me today and asked "What's the second biggest state in the USA?" "Texas" I replied. A couple of minutes later I got a phone message saying "What's the second biggest state in the USA?"

--

"Do not touch" must be the most scary thing to read in Braille.

--

My wife had crashed the car and the Police arrived. She explained that the other party was on his mobile and had a can of beer in his hand at the time. The Police explained he could do what he liked in his own living room

--

A little known fact: While Alan Turing was busy cracking codes, his wife Kay was busy making sandwiches and drinks for him and his team.

--

The evangelist was in Liverpool on a miracle crusade when a young man approached him and asked him if he could help with his hearing. The evangelist laid a hand on his ear and pleaded with the Almighty to cure him, then said "Is that any better?" The young man replied "Dunno wack, it's not til next Thursday".

--

My son is taking part in a social experiment where he has to wear a Man City shirt for 2 weeks. So far he's been ridiculed and shouted at, and suffered lots of insults. It will be interesting to see what happens when he goes outside.

--



__________________

John

Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.



Master Book-keeper

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Date:

Fab, was going to say I lived the Liverpool one best, until I read the last one. I had seen the first one before, but couldnt recall the punchline!

Go on - admit it, that was you talking about your son wasnt it?!! wink



__________________

Joanne

Thoughts are my own/not to be regarded as official advice,which should be sought from a suitably qualified Accountant.

You should check out answers with reference to the legal position (and by that I dont mean with HMRC)



Expert

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There aren't enough facepalms for how long it took me to get the Texas and Kay Turing puns.

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Vince M Hudd - Soft Rock Software

(I only came here looking for fellow apiarists...)



Master Book-keeper

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Date:

Cheshire wrote:

Go on - admit it, that was you talking about your son wasnt it?!! wink


The Liverpool one is my favourite this week. Was a lol moment when I read it. I didn't see the braille joke until this morning, but that was another lol moment. There's a similar one to the secretary joke that I'll include next time.

The football shirt joke originally said Man U, but I obviously had to change itbiggrinbiggrin

Hi Vince, yes it took me a couple of reads to get the Kay Turing one as well.



__________________

John

Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.



Guru

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Posts: 1058
Date:

'Texas' got me, must have read it at least 5 times before it finally clicked!

I spoke to an old school friend the other day and asked "What are you doing for work these days?"

"I cook meals for the homeless, drug addicts, people with addictions to gambling and alcohol, that sort of thing" he replied,

"Charity work?"

"No, Wetherspoons"



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Doug

These are only my opinions of how I see things and therefore should not be taken as advice

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