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Post Info TOPIC: Friday Fun 20.3.20


Master Book-keeper

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Date:
Friday Fun 20.3.20


I was shocked at price of those Ancestry DNA kits. So rather than spend £130, I just announced that I had won the lottery.

I soon found out who my relatives were!

 

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Viagra is now available in powder form for your tea. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance, but it does stop your biscuit going soft

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 went to a pub yesterday evening and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code because I needed to check a message.

"Oh no" he said, "No wifi in here, people used to sit talking in pubs, about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot. Now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see. Therefore, no wifi in this pub."

"You know what?" I replied, "You're right" and I put my phone away.

"Thank you", the landlord said "In this pub I want you to act as you would twenty years ago".

So I lit a cigarette, gave him 50p for the pint and said "Two can play at that game mate."

 

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Recently seen In the lonely ads section   

 

 

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your car, hunting, camping and fishing, cozy winter nights in lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.. Call 01872-264208 and ask for Annie, I'll be waiting.....

Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Truro RSPCA

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A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.'Human beings are the only animals that stutter', she says.

A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running startand before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

'That must've been scary', said the teacher.
'It sure was', said the little girl.

'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...
And, before he could say 'fcuk', the Rottweiler ate him!'

 



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John 

 

 

 Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.



Guru

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Posts: 999
Date:

 

Cheers John biggrin

And my offerings are

You have got to feel sorry for Phillip Schofield, he has just come out and now he is being told to stay in!

 

Customs officers in Sydney have just intercepted a massive shipment of toilet paper concealed in a ton of cocaine!



__________________

Doug

These are only my opinions of how I see things and therefore should not be taken as advice



Master Book-keeper

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Oh just brilliant - all of them. Put a much needed smile back on my face I can tell you.

Mare of a day - got a collapsed drain.

On a Sunday.

Mothering Sunday.

Mothering Sunday when I had to give my son a virtual hug from 20 feet away.

No, there is no punchline, its not a joke. Sorry!

__________________

 Joanne  

Thoughts are my own/not to be regarded as official advice,which should be sought from a suitably qualified Accountant.

You should check out answers with reference to the legal position (and my that I dont mean with HMRC)



Expert

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While people here are panic-buying loo rolls, the Germans are panic-buying sausages and packing them into luggage.

I understand it's a wurst case scenario.

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Vince M Hudd - Soft Rock Software

(I only came here looking for fellow apiarists...)



Master Book-keeper

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Cheshire wrote:

Mothering Sunday when I had to give my son a virtual hug from 20 feet away.


{{{{{{{Joanne}}}}}}

That must have been upsetting, but better that now and look forward to a real hug when the danger passes.  My sister will almost certainly be one of those with a 12 week stay at home order.  She has COPD and is already half way through a self isolated fortnight, and my niece was then going to review the situation. 

 

biggrinbiggrin Doug and Vince 



__________________

John 

 

 

 Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.



Master Book-keeper

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Date:

I know you are right John.

Sanity being restored, although all these folk watching films and sitting in their garden whilst Ive been fielding calls all day from clients - its doing my head in.

Thought you might like this though if you can opne it....had me laughing
www.facebook.com/hafeez.noorani/videos/10101400016309053/




__________________

 Joanne  

Thoughts are my own/not to be regarded as official advice,which should be sought from a suitably qualified Accountant.

You should check out answers with reference to the legal position (and my that I dont mean with HMRC)



Veteran Member

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Joanne that gave me a much needed laugh today..thank you and thanks also to John for the regular Friday giggles.

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Riel
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