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Post Info TOPIC: Friday Fun 17.1.20


Master Book-keeper

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Posts: 3274
Date:
Friday Fun 17.1.20


Sorry lads and lasses, a bit late this week.

An English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

The class joker at the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "You'll have to write with your other hand."

--

A bloke's sitting on the bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby. The baby won't take it so she says "Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it this nice man here" Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here"

The bloke says "Listen love, can you make your mind up, I should've got off four stops ago !!"

--

I wouldn't say my mate's a bit simple but he went to the Doctors and said,"wherever I touch myself im in agony!"

"Show me" said the doctor. He touches his head and screams, touches his arm and screams louder,touches his leg and crys in agony!!!

"stop,stop" said the doctor "let me examine you" After 5 minutes the doctor says ,"I think i know whats wrong!!" "What is it?" he said The Doctor replied, you've broken your finger.

--

A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth." Dentist says: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

Man says: "Yes, I know." Dentist says: "So why did you come in here?" Man replied: "The light was on..."

--

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.""That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest. "It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her the war's over?"



__________________

John

Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.



Master Book-keeper

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Posts: 8295
Date:

I think you should re-name the posts. Have you actually hit more than one Friday yet? Would take the pressure offwink

Although whenever I see it I do have a couple of sayings in my head - thank chrunchie its Friday and Its Friday, its 5 to 5, and its Crackerjack (Im probably have misquoted them!).

Thank you for bringing the Friday feeling back over the weekend!



__________________

Joanne

Thoughts are my own/not to be regarded as official advice,which should be sought from a suitably qualified Accountant.

You should check out answers with reference to the legal position (and my that I dont mean with HMRC)



Master Book-keeper

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Posts: 3274
Date:

Oh come on Joanne, be fair. As Meatloaf would say, two out of eleven ain't badbiggrinbiggrin

Spent the weekend in Donny and Sun evening was the first chance I could get on my mate's comp for a reasonable length of time. Just got back 20 mins ago as I've been at a client's the last two days.

I've discovered a way I can store them now (formatting was out last time I tried it) so I'll compile them earlier in the week and post on a Friday hopefully.

I



__________________

John

Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.

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