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Post Info TOPIC: Friday Fun 10.1.20


Master Book-keeper

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Friday Fun 10.1.20


Once upon a time there was a baby bunny. This bunny had never ventured beyond the fence around the field its warren was in. One evening, just after dusk, the bunny was nibbling on the grass by the fence and looking longingly at all the really lush grass and dandelions in the field over the road. Now this road was a really busy road and the little bunny had always been told not to cross the road because it was too dangerous.

Well, the baby bunnys daddy hopped over to see his son and the baby bunny asked his dad if he could cross the road.

Well, son his dad said, Its a dangerous road. Loads of your family have been killed trying to cross it, but there is a way.

Go on, Dad, tell me squeaked the baby bunny, excitedly.

Well son, what you do is you set off across the road and keep your ears pricked for the sound of approaching cars. If you hear one, you turn to face it, look at the lights on the car, get between them, duck down and the car will pass straight over you

So the baby bunny takes a few deep breaths and sets off across the road. He hears and approaching car and, being a sensible bunny, does exactly what his daddy told him.

SPLAT. Blood, guts and fur fly everywhere, spattering his dad and the hedgehog.

"Damn" said Daddy rabbit, "I forgot about Reliant Robins"

--

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

''Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.

--

My wife said she's leaving me because of my unhealthy obsession with plants. I said "where's this stemming from petal" ?

--

In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The
question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa

--

A policeman is asked to attend a domestic incident. When he gets there the husband is dead on the floor and the wife is holding a shotgun.
"What the hells happened" he asked. The woman said "he stepped on the kitchen floor and I've just mopped it" The policeman radio'd it in and his Sargeant said "Well, have you arrested her lad?"
"No" said the policeman. "Why the hell not?" asked the Sargeant. "The floor's still wet" said the policeman.

--

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his Mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are identical twins, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!!"A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his Mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are identical twins, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!!"



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John

Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.



Master Book-keeper

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I need to be careful how I say this...

Having had a rabbit as a pet, the first story (joke) really upset me.

You mean man. Guess I deserved that after blaming you on the Pickle post.winkbiggrin

The Italian one cheered me up.....you have to read out loud.

Best of the lot so far John, thank you.



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Joanne

Thoughts are my own/not to be regarded as official advice,which should be sought from a suitably qualified Accountant.

You should check out answers with reference to the legal position (and my that I dont mean with HMRC)



Master Book-keeper

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Moral of the day......(random)....Don't change the lightbulb on the landing stairs.

That way, when you are using your mobile phone as a torch to go upstairs, you only leave your glasses in the back pocket in your jeans.

It was only the glasses that just dropped down the loo.

At least they smell lemony fresh.


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Joanne

Thoughts are my own/not to be regarded as official advice,which should be sought from a suitably qualified Accountant.

You should check out answers with reference to the legal position (and my that I dont mean with HMRC)



Guru

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Agreed definitely the best biggrinbiggrin

A blonde reads that if you bathe in milk it makes your skin beautiful, so she leaves a note out for the milkman asking for "25 gallons of milk"

The next morning the milkman reads the note and thinks there must have been a mistake and better make sure what she wants.

He rings the bell and this beautiful blonde with great complexion and figure opens the door, so he asks if this amount of milk is correct and she says yes "it's good to bathe in milk"

The milkman asks "pasteurised?"

She answers "oh no, just past my neck will be fine"



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Doug

These are only my opinions of how I see things and therefore should not be taken as advice



Master Book-keeper

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As a blond Im totally offended by that Doug.


Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?

So men can understand them.


As a blond Im totally offended by that Doug - yeah right. As in Im not a natural blondwinkbiggrinbiggrin



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Joanne

Thoughts are my own/not to be regarded as official advice,which should be sought from a suitably qualified Accountant.

You should check out answers with reference to the legal position (and my that I dont mean with HMRC)



Master Book-keeper

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Posts: 3274
Date:

Cheshire wrote:

I need to be careful how I say this...

Having had a rabbit as a pet, the first story (joke) really upset me.


I'm sorry, genuinely. Just to let you know that the bunny didn't die but was badly injured. However the car behind stopped and the man went into the boot and brought out an

aerosol can. He sprayed the bunny and it leapt up right as rain, said thank you and hopped away. The daddy bunny said thank you Mister, what was in the can? The man replied Hare Restorer!

Glad you are enjoying the jokes.

LOL Doug. I remember Benny Hill's Milkman with the past your eyes joke.



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John

Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.



Senior Member

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Date:

biggrinvery good



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